checking back in with our new years resolutions
Goodness! Hello friends... it has been a MINUTE since we last chatted and I feel like a piece of sh*t about that truthfully. My dang ADHD brain and never being able to stick to anything ever. All that matters is that I am sitting down to write this right now and post this blog to the site that I am still confused how to work!! LOL. I hope someday I will be more tech savvy...
It is almost September, which means it is basically the holiday season and the end of the year. Fall is right around the corner, the best season of the year, and I thought it would be a perfect time to do a check in on my new years resolutions. Mercury is also retrograde for a few more days and it is just written in the stars to go back and review where we are at and where we want to go moving forward.
I wrote a blog post at the start of this year detailing everything I wanted to emphasize this year. They weren't really rigid or specific goals, because I think putting a ton of pressure to start the new year perfectly is counter productive. In fact, I believe the real new year is the start of Aries season anyways, not January 1st, in the middle of Capricorn season.
Instead of doing a pulse check at the end of the year, I wanted to do one now and see what I can adjust moving forward to end 2024 on a path that I am proud of.
I encourage you to take an assessment of where you are at at this point in the year. Have you set out to accomplish what you planned to? Have you kept up the routines you wanted to? Are there things you implemented the first couple of months but have since fallen off? Just take a moment to make sure you are on a path that you are content with. It's okay to have taken a detour, because god knows I have... I am trying to give myself the grace I know I deserve, and you deserve that same grace too!
1. cultivate community
This was the first resolution that I had this year. I ended 22023 by spending 6 weeks in Switzerland where I met the most incredible people. I woke up everyday and got to be surrounded by people I genuinely enjoyed and had a lot in common with. I realized then that I did not need to isolate as much as I have been and connection is actually so vital to being a healthy, functioning human.
"I am not making a specific resolution like "I want to make one new friend a month" or anything like that, I just want to cultivate connections, in general. I want to facetime my long distance friends more, have game nights with my parents, small gatherings with neighbors, playful banter with co workers, small talk with customers I will never see again. I view those interactions so so differently now and I just want to continue to appreciate human interaction more."
To be specific, this s directly pulled from the original blog post I published; so lets unpack this.
There are a few things in here that I really stuck to and valued a lot. I bantered playfully with my co-workers, until I quit my job again in June. I had small talk with customers and got to know them briefly before parting ways. I had gatherings with neighbors. I did not have game nights with my parents and I still suck at communicating with my friends via the phone.
This is no surprise to me. This is actually one of my least favorite parts about having ADHD. I just suck at communication and it feels like an excuse to be like " hey responding to texts are practically impossible for me" but its the truth.
Even now, more than at the start of the year, I am craving a more consistent community. I no longer have co workers, I am not seeing the same people everyday while I am traveling and that has just been taking such a toll on me recently.
I love Worldpackers for that reason. I spent a month in Bled, Slovenia and I felt like I built a little community and developed a routine and I just loved my time there. I won't count this resolution as being a complete fail. I have definitely improved my sense of community from a few years ago, but this is something I really want to continue to focus on.
It is something that I crave deeply and a huge reason why I think I am ready to stop traveling for a bit and grow some roots somewhere new, but who knows...
2. create for myself and fall in love with the process
This resolution has been a hit and a miss.
I have been posting on Youtube relatively consistently. I don't have an uploading schedule, but I have posted a fair amount of videos this year. I even created a series called "creating for the sake of creating" and I made 3 videos for it. I would love to get back into that series, but it doesn't seem super feasible while I am traveling.
"I want to continue to learn how to edit Youtube videos and photos. Find my own editing style and what I really enjoy doing. There is so much to learn and I am willing to be a beginner at something. I am willing to be seen trying, which is often the hardest part about sharing art."
I still feel like I have a long way to go. I edit my Youtube videos, but I am not sure if they are really good, like I do very minimal editing. I basically compile all the videos together and add some music, but for now, that's the style that I like most anyway.
I have posted and continue to post, even when my videos are not getting that many views so I am proud of that aspect.
"I love writing. It has been one of my biggest hobbies and dreams since I was younger. I struggle because I don't feel like I am the greatest writer of all time. I am sure my way of narration can be nauseating for some folks! I have also been told that people love to read my writing. Technically, both things can be true. This year though, I just want to write and publish, write and publish. Build this blog. By 2025, I will have a website full of posts."
This... hurts to read. It is almost September and the last post I published was in April. I feel embarrassed that I wanted so much more for this at the start of the year and I kind of let myself down. I was focusing on my videos more, which is okay, but I never give myself time to sit down and write. I judge myself too much.
I am not sure I will "build" this blog by the time its 2025, but my goal is to get some more posts published by the end of this year. I have to pay for my domain in a couple months too, and that is not the cheapest thing, so I really need to make it worth it.
I also wanted this website to visually look the way I want it to. I think that is another reason why I am hesitant to post anything is because I am not proud of the way Soul Charging is set up right now.
I am glad I went back to look at this post because now I know how I need to course correct for the rest of this year.
3. spend less time on social media
Okay.... so I started the year with no Tik Tok, I deleted it for 3 months and then I heard that Tik Tok was going to be banned and I was like "oh no!! I need to be chronically online for 9 months until that happens..." so that is where we are at currently.
Unfortunately, I have been doom scrolling a ton the past few months, even while I have been traveling. It sucks, because I know it is bad for my mental health. I remember how clear my brain felt when I didn't have Tik Tok. My life felt like my own, and I didn't have the imaginary voices of every other chronically online persons in my head. iykyk.
"I have been spending a lot less time on social media and wow... I can think clearly again. I genuinely can't stress enough how damaging it is. I get it, it is easy to want to dissociate and turn your brain off for a bit of time, life is hard. The dopamine hits are beyond addictive. Admitting I have a phone addiction is embarrassing!! I can't even brush my teeth without scrolling my Tik Tok FYP... ICK. That is a habit of the past already, and it feels so great."
OPE yeah... so past Jordan had it figured out. But hey, its an addiction! and I definitely relapsed on that one. At least I know its not a fault of character, like soooo many people struggle with this as well.
I am attempting to grow my social media platforms again, so I will probably still have a high screen time, but I need to stop scrolling Tik Tok and losing hours of my life. That's embarrassing, Jordan.
4. put more effort into my morning and night routines
As usual, routines are difficult for me to maintain, but I have tried my best this year. I played with the idea of morning menus and having routines for days where I have less energy or more energy.
On high energy days, maybe I will do full skin care, cook breakfast, go to the gym and do everything I want to accomplish in a full, extensive morning routine. On a low energy day, maybe I just journal and brush my teeth. I wanted to leave room for some variability and compassions because I know that I am different every single day and I have different needs that need to be met.
I think these routines are easier to maintain when I am living at home. I actually think I did a decent job at reading the vibe of the day and deciding what would feel best for me to do that day, routine wise. Does it count as a routine if its a little different everyday? In my mind, yes.
I think this is something I will always have to put conscious effort into. I am still needing to work on this and do the things that make my brain and my body feel their best. While I am traveling, I find it difficult to maintain routine. At least with where I am at right now, I have been struggling.
Sometimes I think it is easier because there is so much variability in my days, that I love maintaining one routine. I have sucked at doing my skincare and journaling while traveling this time around. I did do a really great job at having a consistent gym routine though while I was home and I even bought a gym membership for the month that I was in Bled, so small wins!
5. live a life that charges my soul
This makes me sad to think about because I am so confused with my life right now, that I just don't know if I am living a life that charges my soul or if I am just going through the motions right now.
As I am writing this, I am in Bosnia and I do feel called to be here. I am not sure where else I would be right now, if not right here, but I also feel dazed and anxious everyday. Anxiety is a normal daily occurrence for me, but right now it feels even more heightened. I feel confused about what I want out of my life.
"I want everyday to be spent presently, observing the world, connecting with more people, expressing my creatively more boldly, and just waking up everyday with intention and love for myself. I don't plan to try and completely change my life at the start of this year. I do, however, plan to implement things that are calling to me in the present moment. I want to actively choose to do things this year that ground me in the present moment. Not everyday will be the same and this year I really want to give myself the compassion and respect to honor my needs, but also push myself to do more challenging things. I want to listen to my intuition and let it guide me to experiences that make me feel alive. I want to value every day because it is a privilege to be alive and safe. I want to make this my best year yet."
Reading this passage has brought tears to my eyes because I don't think I have done this at all this year. I have really fallen back into another depressive period and it has been really hard for me to be fully appreciative of everything.
In theory, I recognize how lucky I am. I KNOW this information to be true, but it has felt impossible for me to really embody this mindset this year. I have been so anxious for the future. I just don't know what I want or what I am doing and I don't know what my next step is right now.
but that is also the point of Soul Charging... it can change at any point. I don't have to spend time feeling lost and searching for my soul, I need to spend time charging it. I need to spend time presently taking care of myself, listening to my needs, and following my intuition.
I try and tell myself that I have gotten this far and I have ALWAYS figured it out. There has not been a challenge in life that I have not survived and come out a stronger person. I tend to be very emotional and present with my emotions and it can be hard for me to remember what is like to feel anything other than what I am currently feeling. This too shall pass.
I am not sure if writing his blog post did wonders for me or completely beat me down because I feel like 2024 has sorta slipped away from me. As I typed that, that is a ridiculous thing to say because I really have had such a special year in its own way, but my mental health has definitely been a challenge for me.
Listen, if you got to the end of this blog post, bless your soul and thank you so much for reading what I had to say. I hope you feel called to go back and look at your resolutions for the year and see where it is possible to course correct or even start new resolutions! It doesn't have to be January 1st in order to start something new or pick back up where you left off. I will continue to remind myself of this and give myself grace and I hope you do the same. Thanks for being here, friends. Remember to live a life that charges your soul. Talk to you soon :)
with love,
Jordan