“if nothing changes, nothing changes!”

Hello!

Welcome to my very first blog post. This feels like such a huge step for me. I have been putting off this passion project for YEARS, waiting for the perfect time to start. What was I going to write about? What would be my first post? Would anyone want to read what I write? What if I cannot follow through with it? How do I even design a website? What is SEO, how do I figure that out? Is it possible to make money off of this? Would I even want to turn something I enjoy doing into a career? Am I just overthinking all of this?

The truth is that my mind has been filled with doubts about pretty much everything since the day I was born and this project has been no different. The never ending stream of questions and relentless perfectionism consume me to a point where I just never started this blog... UNTIL NOW! :)

The pressure of the "first post" is definitely something that has put me off from starting at all. The first post sets the pace for your blog. Do I need to write something that is super niche? It sets the tone and the overall direction of your blog and if I don't get it perfect, everyone is going to laugh at me and I am a massive failure! At least that is what my brain tells me.

So for my first post, I wanted to write about just that. Why does our brain try and sabotage our dreams? Can a shift in our mindsets really change our life circumstances? Can you get from point A to point B without changing anything? Spoiler alert, that answer is no.

One of my favorite quotes recently has been "If nothing changes, nothing changes" by Courtney C. Stevens. It is such a straightforward quote, yet it is on my mind constantly. It feels so obvious, but I believe that is what makes it so profound. I mean, it is true right? You can't possibly expect your life to change without actually changing anything. It really is that simple sometimes. Change one thing and it'll create a domino effect that could alter your life path. I mean duh, we have all heard of the butterfly effect, right?

The concept that if you do not change your habits, your thoughts, or your patterns, then nothing in your life is going to change either; it is a scary thought. Yes it's obvious, but more people struggle with this than you might think. We blame our job, our parents, our significant others, our mental health, and we expect change to just fall out of the sky. It is like we expect someone or something to eventually come save us from our monotonous lives and it is very humbling when you realize that the moment will never come. There is never going to be a "right" moment to change something. The perfect moment that you are waiting for to pursue your dreams doesn't exist.

We forget we have agency; that free will exists. We have the power to change our life. We can start a new morning routine, quit our jobs, find a new hobby, pursue a lifelong dream, start a new medication, dress more authentically, cut off unsupportive friends, set boundaries, travel to a new country. There are so many things we can change that can act as a catalyst for growth and sometimes it's the smallest change that opens up a whole new path for you.

The hard truth is that sometimes you would rather stay in a less than ideal situation because it is familiar. You might be thinking, "Jordan, that can't possibly be true!" But because of past conditioning and life experiences, we often develop mindsets where we feel unworthy or even fearful of a better life. Even if life feels chaotic, sometimes we self sabotage when we are confronted with healthier, calmer lives because the chaos feels more natural to us. Often subconsciously, we are staying in situations that keep us stuck in patterns that we have played out our whole lives.

It is a hard pill to swallow when you realize you are the only thing standing in your way. We get so accustomed to our lives, and any change is scary. It doesn't even matter if it is good or bad. Change feels like change... Let me remind you (and me) again, if nothing changes, then nothing changes. It is way easier said than done though, trust me I know!

Following your dreams means that they will no longer just be dreams. Dreams are the perfect scenario, often used to escape from our current realities, so actualizing those dreams requires a lot of courage. When you're daydreaming, you are looking at the end of the journey, the final stage, a finished product, a manifestation that has already come to fruition and you are seeing success. You are not envisioning the journey, the hours of hard work, the healing process, therapy sessions, periods when you want to give up, and the inevitable plateaus. Actualizing your dream life means facing the reality that nothing will ever be as perfect as it is in your head.

I always tell myself that I need to follow my dreams, but I had no idea how scary it actually is to follow through with your goals. I bought this domain 2 YEARS ago and I am just now writing my first blog post. Honestly it shouldn't be this deep, but I had no clue that so many past negative life schemas were going to come to the surface and be triggered by the creative process. I kept putting this off because I did not feel ready. I needed to be more confident, have more followers on Tik Tok, be the best writer, create the perfect website, figure out how to get ads, the list of excuses never ends.

Perfectionism kills creativity. It is why I procrastinate pursuing my dreams. It has nothing to do with laziness, my procrastination stems from an insecurity and fear and I think this can happen to a lot of us. We build up an infinite wall of excuses to try and protect our ego. If we never take the first step, we will never fail. While this is true, you also will never succeed.

All of those reasons not to start are just insecurities that you will not be good enough, that you have to be seen trying something new, and you are not going to be this perfect person right off the bat, AND THAT IS SCARY. I have found that wanting to pursue something creative of any nature feels very vulnerable, more so than I had took into account when I realized I wanted to put more energy into my creative endeavors.

I think my creative spirit left me at a young age and unfortunately, I believe this happens to the majority of us. We put our childhood dreams aside when we realized they are not always the most logical dreams or ones that will support us in this horrible economy. We allow society to dull our passions and we lose any desire to prioritize creating art just for the sake of creating. F*ck capitalism for making us feel like we need to commodify literally every hobby we have.

I feel like I have gotten slightly off topic. I could go on forever about the negative implications of capitalism though!

My point is, it is scary to try something new and it is even scarier to put that vulnerable art out into the world to be judged by people. Listen, I have had some videos go viral on the "wrong" side of Tik Tok, and people can be so cruel online. It can make you question yourself and compare your life to others. Even if you haven't had the privilege of being bullied and judged by thousands on the internet, it is common to think about the perceptions your peers might have on the way you live your life.

I always try and remind myself that everyone has their own story. We are all completely unique; there is no wrong way to live. My dream life is not going to be the same as yours, or my best friends, or my little brother's and that is okay! My college friend's dream life is with a husband and 2 kids and that, personally, sounds like my nightmare. She is currently engaged and looking to buy a house. Meanwhile, I am unemployed, about to leave for my 13th country of the year and going through a massive gay awakening. We used to be on the exact same path, doing the same exact thing. Post grad is crazy, but that deserves its own blog post.

This is a really long winded way to say: I really needed to finally write this first blog post. For you, the reader, this might not feel like a big deal. It is JUST a blog post. To me though, it is a first step; an imperfect first step.

We get so lost in the idea of a completed manifestation that we forget we can't skip steps. We need to go through a process. We all start at the beginning. You can't be a doctor without going to med school, you can't get married unless you go on that first date, you can't be a Youtuber without posting that first video. Everyone starts somewhere.

So here I am trying to change something. The time is going to pass anyways. In 5 years are you going to be in the same place or are you going to be 5 years into a new life? NOTHING CHANGES, IF NOTHING CHANGES! Don't fear the pivot because it is never too late to implement a new habit, try a new hobby, find a new job, divorce your shitty husband, I don't know, literally anything that is not serving you!! It's not to late to start fresh and it will never be too late. I don't know about y'all but REGRET scares the f*ck out of me. I am going to do my best to quiet the voice that is telling me not to leave my comfort zone. Life happens outside your comfort zone sometimes.

Change is truly a mindset away. If you change absolutely nothing in your life, how can you expect change? I believe that external change can happen from internal change, things we have more control over. I have been in therapy for years and I have picked a part everything in my life, and that's great and all, but it also means nothing if I don't actually apply it to my life. Therapy has allowed me to prioritize my inner child. She is the one taking the reins from here on out. I owe it to her to live a life that honors my authentic desires and creative impulses.

I am allowing myself to be creative, engage in something that charges my soul, and live a life that is authentic and intentional. I enjoyed writing this post, and even if it isn't perfect, at least it is published. Get out there and do something for you. Take the first step. The first step is always the hardest.

I did want to end this post by saying, we all have different goals and priorities in life. While I do think everyone can follow their dreams, it is still a nuanced conversation. Lots of factors play a role in one's accessibility to resources needed to follow their dreams. Lack of education, money, familial support, access to healthcare, racial disparities are just a few things that play a role in the privilege that comes with following your dreams. While we all start at the "beginning" of a process, some people's "beginnings" put them in a more advantageous position. I think that is something important to keep in mind and I wanted to include it.

Anywho! Welcome to my blog, Soul Charging! I hope this message resonates and inspires you to take that first step to living a life that charges your soul. <3

With love,

Jordan Leo