25 things i learned by 25
Like most people who turn 25, I feel called to write a list of everything I have learned by the time my frontal lobe has finished developing. This might come as a shock, but you probably are not going to read anything here that you haven't read in 100's of other "# of things I have learned by whatever age" lists! We truly are all living such similar lives that everything is a cliché nowadays. This won't be revolutionary. I am not paving the way to a new level of profound realizations.
I don't care though, so I think you should still read mine!! Anyways, lets get into my list! :)
1. You only live once
Starting off strong! Probably the most cliché, over generalized saying I could ever write about. It took me 25 years to realize that I only live once? Will it take me another 25 to realize that means we all die too? Come on now, Jordan. To be fair, I believe in reincarnation, but I like to stay on the safe side and say that we only live once, just in case I am wrong.
This premise is the basis for EVERYTHING in my life though. Yep, you heard that right, YOLO changed my life. Kind of embarrassing.
Whenever I feel anxious about my future, worried someone does not like me, questioning my entire existence on a Tuesday night, I try and remind myself that life only happens once. Sometimes that feels scary, but it is actually really beautiful. For some, this might make them more anxious but for me, it grounds me. It humbles me. It makes me recognize the privilege it is to be alive.
It feels right to have this be my first lesson on this list because it is always at the back of my mind. Sometimes the most obvious lessons are the ones that are the most important because we always seem to forget them. It is really easy to take life for granted, but everyday I wake up and thankful that I am able to live another day, no matter how hard some of those days can be.
Being confronted with the impermanency of life just allows me to appreciate the moments I have on this earth. Accepting death allows you to truly live, in my opinion.
2. You will never fully heal
This was a hard pill for me to swallow if I am being honest. As someone who is overly self aware, got a psychology degree, and genuinely enjoys therapy sessions, I love healing. Don't get me wrong, it is not easy for me to unpack everything that I have been through, but I enjoy the process. I enjoy the process so much so that it often stops me from properly living my life.
"Once I figure this out, then..." "If I heal my attachment style, then I will be ready for this relationship." "I cannot start this project, until I have addressed..."
If you can relate, I am sorry because it can be really exhausting to live like this! It is definitely a double edged sword. I would rather be the person who thinks too much about self growth than the person that does not think about it at all. It is definitely possible to put too much effort into this process though. It is really important to be aware of your patterns and address them, but once you realize that the process never ends, you can learn to let go of the reins a bit more. You can actually LIVE your life, because life does not happen in therapy sessions or with your nose buried in a self help book.
Don't get me wrong, I think those things are incredibly helpful, but they are useless if you don't use those tools to actually live your life. You will never be a perfect person, so do yourself a favor, and give yourself permission to live. Go out and use those self help skills in new scenarios, develop new connections, and allow yourself to be tested. That is where the real growth can happen.
3. Protecting yourself from future pain takes away from present happiness
OUCH. It hurts to know that your self sabotaging tendencies are not actually protecting you... I mean unless you are wanting to protect yourself from happiness, then yes it is working. Listen, crazy enough, I am someone that fears being happy probably just as much as I fear pain. I love how my brain does that; acts like it is trying to protect me but it is actually not allowing me to feel love in the present.
The truth is you will never ever be able to predict anything in life. I don't love the unknown. As much as I try to accept that the unknown can bring more happiness than I can even imagine, I know it can also bring pain. I tell myself if I prepare for heartbreak, then it will hurt less. The only thing that does though is ruin the present moment. You cannot control the future. If something bad happens in the future, then you will deal with it when it happens. Be present with your emotions and circumstances and take life as it comes.
This is so much easier said than done and something I am still working on. I guess that is life though! All of these lessons are things I am still working on, I am only 25!
4. It is okay to be selfish
Not only is it okay to be selfish, you probably SHOULD be selfish, especially while you are young. I don't have kids, I am not married, and I deserve to live out my dreams for myself. I don't think there is a better time to be selfish than right now, as a 25 year old. If you are reading this and you are not in your 20's, I personally think you should be selfish at every age too.
People might get mad at that. Selfishness is often viewed in such a negative light when it really should not be. I wish more people would put themselves first, even when you have a family of your own. Prioritizing your own well being will actually allow you to be able to properly care for the people around you. You can't pour from any empty cup.
5. Rejection is redirection
Most of the time we can only see the redirection aspect once enough time has passed. In the moment, rejection really hurts. It does not matter what the scenario is, rejection is never planned. No one wants to feel rejected. I would argue that 99% of the time though, things end up better than you could have even imagined.
You need to go through that rejection to be pushed in a new direction in life. Sometimes this redirection is something that never would have crossed your mind had it not been for the rejection. These things are often a blessing in disguise.
6. You are always on time for your life
Being in your 20's is hard. Your peers are getting married, having kids, getting PhD's, traveling the world, starting businesses, buying homes, and you might be doing none of those things. It is really easy to compare ourselves, especially since we have all been doing the same thing up until this point. We all went to high school together, a lot of us went to college and were going through similar life circumstances, but now everything is different. Post grad is a really tricky time to navigate. People you once related to are no longer resonating with you.
It is okay to feel like you are behind, I often do. I feel like at 25 I should have my whole life figured out. It feels like I am late to life. How come I haven't found the person I am going to marry yet? Why can't I find my perfect career path? What if I never "figure it out?"
Everything happens in the timing it is meant to. I personally am a spiritual person, but I don't conform to organized religion, it is just not my thing. I do, however, believe everything happens as it should. I believe in divine timing. Nothing will happen for you before it is meant to happen for you. Some people will meet the love of their life at 22 and some will meet them at 54. Some people will start their company at 30 and others will at 45. There is not a "right" time for something to happen.
You will never be late to your own life. You have completely different timing than the people around you, and that is okay. Life is not a race, just chill and trust your own process.
7. It's your parents first time living too
We all are living for the first time, but for whatever reason, we tend to put our parents on a pedestal. To no fault of our own, I mean they ARE our parents and I think every child does this. We assume they have everything figured out and that they should do everything perfect. In a perfect scenario, they are the 2 people in this world that you should be able to rely on for everything. They brought you into this world and it was their responsibility to raise you and teach you everything you need to know about life.
I personally believe we all have "trauma" from our childhoods. I don't think it is possible to have made it out unscratched. I would say most people don't view their behaviors as "trauma responses" because we have been conditioned to believe that trauma only includes things such as physical or sexual abuse. Of course, this is the difference between (big T) Trauma and (little t) trauma. I am only going to speak for trauma, as my childhood trauma only entails that.
Our parents have their own trauma as well, which does typically get passed down to us since that directly impacts the way that they choose to raise us. People tend to raise their children in a way that reflects the way they were parented. In some cases, people raise their children in the exact opposite way because they recognize what patterns are not beneficial for them to pass down.
Regardless, I choose to believe that my parents did the best they could, given their scenario. As I have gotten older, I have been able to humanize my parents, take them off the pedestal, and truly recognize them for who they are. They are imperfect humans, with their own trauma who had full lives before I ever even came into existence. This is not a way to invalidate my lived experience, because there are things I have to unpack as a result of the way I was raised, but it allows me to be less upset about it. I don't take it as personally anymore.
(This lesson is not meant for people who have suffered Trauma at the hands of their parents. Your feelings towards your parents are valid, and you don't have to humanize them and think they did their best when they really hurt you. I am not one to be like "but they are your family..." Nope, F*ck them. I hope you are healing the best you can and I love you)
8. Expect nothing, accept everything
I have this tattooed on my body as a reminder.
This is not to say that you should not expect certain things, but I find having a lot of expectations can lead to disappointment. I realize how pessimistic this sounds. I view this statement mainly when interacting with other people. People rarely live up to expectations. It just isn't fair to expect people to act a certain way and then get disappointed with them when they fail to meet them.
You need to accept people as they are, accept situations for what they are and don't let your expectations taint the reality of a situation.
This one has quite a bit of nuance though because I do think there are some things you should have expectations for. Keep your standards high of course, but if someone doesn't meet them, accept it and move on.
9. Romanticize your life
As someone with 4 out of my 6 main placements in my birth chart being ruled by Venus, I am the queen of romanticizing my life. I love aesthetically pleasing things and taking the time to make small moments really special. I think putting an emphasis on this will change your life.
Put on a cute outfit, read a book in a coffeeshop, buy yourself flowers, take pictures of everything, light a candle, decorate your living space, go on an evening walk, or bake some cookies. Do all the little things, because life is just as much about the little things as it is about the big things. Romanticizing life allows you to be present. It allows you to appreciate things that are in your control.
People that romanticize their life are happier than people that don't. Argue with the wall if you disagree!! If you need big, special events to occur to feel happy, then you probably won't feel happy too often. Being intentional and making mundane things a big deal will make life feel special.
"Life's what you make it, so let's make it rock"
- Hannah Montana
10. People care about you
This is something I learned after being really depressed and suicidal. People care about you. If you are in a place where you don't believe this, I understand. I know what is is like to be so wrapped up in your own mind that you forget that people even think about you. "They would be better off without me" or "I am a burden" are things that might pass through your head. While your feelings are always valid, it does not mean they are correct.
If you can't live for yourself, live for other people. I feel like this might go against advice that a lot of people give. I have always heard about how you have to live for yourself, but sometimes when you are in that state of mind, living for yourself is not enough of a motivating factor. Stay around because you will be greatly missed if you leave.
I have spent a good chunk of time assuming no one cares that much about me. It sadly was not until relatively recently that I realized how wrong I was. There are SO many people that I know in my life that I think about often and if anything happened to them, it would be devastating. Even people I am no longer close to, like my best friend from middle school, my college roommate, or the girl I sat next to at high school graduation, I still think about them. These are all people who have made an impact on my life, even if we have gone separate directions in life.
My point is, you never know how important or special you are to someone. Yes, your closest friends and family might share their feelings and their love for you, but there are SO many silent supporters out there. People you haven't talked to in years that have feelings of admiration towards you that they have never expressed. People will miss you, and way more than you can even realize.
11. Always forgive, but you don't have to forget
It is natural to be angry at people who have hurt us. Not everyone is meant to be in your life and that is up to you to decide. Anger is an important emotion, but one that will eat away at your soul. I will never invalidate my feelings, but spending time being angry is never worth it.
In time, I have forgiven every single person in my life. This does not mean I have forgotten people's actions and let people back into my life that don't deserve it. Everyone is doing their best from where they are and someone's best might not be good enough to be in your life. Boundaries are really important.
To me, forgiving and letting go of the past is the most freeing thing. There are actions that I will never forget, people I never want to be friends with again, but I forgive them all. Holding on to that anger is exhausting and unproductive. It does not punish them, it punishes you.
12.Perception is reality
I think I have spent so many years trying so hard to understand everyone around me. When I was younger, I couldn't possibly grasp the idea that everyone around me was living completely different lives. Even if we are looking at the exact same situation, we are going to each have unique interpretations of it.
There is not one concreate reality. There are 8+ billion people that are living on this planet and we all are living different realities. Not everyone is going to be relatable to you and that is okay. Just because you don't understand someone's reality, does not mean that it is not real for them.
13. Everyone should solo travel (at least once)
I will always be a huge advocate for solo travel and I think EVERYONE should do it at least once in their life. It has been one of the most influential things of my life. It has changed who I am. I mean, I feel invincible. I have maneuvered foreign countries ALL BY MYSELF. It is seriously such a confidence booster.
Not only do you prove to yourself (and everyone else) that you can do hard things by yourself, you also are getting to experience different cultures by yourself. It is so special. I have never felt more proud of myself than after traveling by myself. I was able to figure out transportation, book cool excursions, communicate with people from other countries, and be by myself! Learning to really enjoy my company is the best thing I have done in my 20's.
(It is not lost on me the financial privilege that comes with travel as well as being able bodied and able to maneuver travel situations without the help of a caregiver, but if you do have those privileges, take advantage of them!)
14. Touch grass and get off social media
In the day and age of our generation being so "chronically online", touching grass is more important than ever. Now I am not talking about literally touching grass, although yes, grounding outside and being connected with our earth is also important. I am talking about taking a step back from "internet speak" and being grounded in reality.
I am a recovering chronically online person, not my proudest era of life but hey, I went through a global pandemic on TikTok...
Being offended by literally everything is not productive and does not create an environment for actual change. It is just ridiculous and not helpful. Playing in the moral Olympics gets really exhausting.
I am not going to get too in depth on this one, it is one of those things where if you know, YOU KNOW. Dealing with chronically online people is a headache, and if you get offended by that, you probably are one. I am sorry!
It is just so so so important to take time off of social media. I feel like I sound like an old parent telling my child that being on their phone is bad for their brain, but it is!! I will be the first to admit I have a phone addiction and it is has been my main focus this year to kick it. It seriously does impact your mental health and it is something I wish everyone was way more concerned about. My personal goal has been to create more, consume less.
15. Decenter men
I really wish this is a lesson I learned much earlier than 24! It really took me coming to terms with my sexuality to realize how centered men were in my life. I am not even just saying this as someone who does not see myself pursuing men anytime soon. Sexuality is so fluid, who is to say where I will be at in 10 years, but right now, there will be no men in my future.
We are, unfortunately, taught to center men in our lives. Even if you think you are free from this influence, unless you have done the work to decenter men, you are not in the clear. Often, we are unaware of how much we center men in our lives. My distaste in men is not new and even when I was "hating" men, I still had them at the back of my head and it impacted the way that I behaved.
I don't know... F*ck the patriarchy.
16. Tattoos are not that serious
Sometimes I laugh and roll my eyes at my tattoos. Are they the best? No. Are they cool little memories that represent a time in my life? Yes!
I personally don't believe in regret. Not only is it a pointless emotion to me, tattoo removal is f*cking expensive and I heard it hurts like the devil. So no thanks!!
I view my tattoos as memories. Most of my tattoos I would not get again. This isn't because I hate them, but because I have evolved and those tattoos are timestamps for me. They represent who I was in the exact moment that I got them. I don't get tattoos and expect to love them forever. I think that is kind of stupid truthfully. Feelings change often.
That is the most common argument against tattoos in my experience. "What if I hate it in 10 years?" Okay?? What if you hate your husband in 10 years? What if you hate living in the city that you bought your first house? What if you hate your job that you've had for 20 years? You can't possibly predict everything that will change in the future and the only constant thing about being human is that we change our minds!! We change our minds about EVERYTHING CONSTANTLY.
Moral of the story, tattoos aren't that deep. If you want one, don't overthink it too much. If you like something right now, then that tattoo will always represent who you were when you got it and I think that is really beautiful. Unless you are thinking about getting a partner's name tattooed, maybe put some thought into that one.
17. Don't fear the pivot
Don't fall victim to the "sunk cost fallacy" just because you spent time or money on something. If you don't want to use your college degree right now, that is totally okay. Your degree does not expire. It isn't going anywhere. If you want to change your life path, do it. It is much better to have "wasted" 4 years in school, than spend the next 40 years wishing you were living a different life.
The time is going to pass anyways. It is never too late to start something new, quit your job, leave a relationship, and PIVOT.
I admire people who are willing to change their path. It is never easy when you have invested time and energy into something to switch things up. It takes a lot of courage to try something new and risk what you are comfortable with.
18. Value your community
I tend to be hyper independent, like I often feel like I don't need anyone. I love being alone. I really value my alone time and I prefer it over being with people. I am just such an introverted person.
With all that being said, I have realized recently just how important having community is. Friendship is so beautiful. To have people in your life that are willing to let you into their world. It is just really special. Life is meant to be shared.
I read a book awhile ago called "Top 5 Regrets of the Dying" by Bronnie Ware (highly recommend btw) . One of the regrets was that people wished they stayed in touch with their friends. This is something that I am working on since most of my friendships right now are long distance.
Call your friends, text them that you love them and appreciate them.
19. Spend your money
Don't come to me for advice about money. Listen, I am not your financial advisor! But... I think you should spend your money. You work hard for your money, or maybe you don't! It doesn't matter to me, but it is YOUR money and money is meant to be spent!
This honestly makes me seem like someone who has no financial literacy at all. I am actually pretty good at saving my money. I know where my priorities lie, currently it is travel, and that is where I choose to spend my money. The difference is, I am not saving money to travel when I am retired. I am saving money to travel NOW. I do recognize the privilege it is to be able to save any money in this economy though.
I find it super odd that we convince ourselves that life is guaranteed like that. I still think having long term goals and not giving in to immediate satisfaction is important. If you are wanting to save to buy a house or a car, that is going to require long term saving and that will be so rewarding once you accomplish that.
Just don't be afraid to spend your money. In the past, I have been a hoarder of money. In my opinion, this is a lack mindset. Obviously this depends on your situation, money is a sensitive subject and there is nuance to everything I am saying. I just think we should enjoy what money can buy us. Whether your prioritize lie in travel experiences, buying purses, taking yourself out to nice restaurants or just buying a coffee everyday, you deserve to spend your money.
Capitalism sucks us dry and money is a huge stress for a lot of people. Maybe money can't buy true contentment, but it sure can provide momentary dopamine and I am all for it!
20. What other people think of me is none of my business
Once I realized that a different version of me exists within every single person out there, I started to not care as much. It is exhausting to try and control what every single person could possibly think about me, especially when 90% of the time it has nothing to do with me.
We are all just projections for other people. They see us based on their own experiences. This is not to negate their feelings or invalidate how they see you, but to say that their perception is never going to 100% accurate. I mean how could it be?? They are not living in your head or walking through life in your shoes.
I am a recovering people pleaser. I am working on not caring what other people think of me every day. If you are liked by everyone, you are doing something wrong.
21. Pay attention to politics and vote
Before I went to college, I was stupid. I did not care about politics at all. To be fair, the political climate and access to information was quite different even less than a decade ago. I just did not understand how it could possibly affect me personally and I was a dense teenager who clearly did not comprehend how politics would affect OTHER people. I barely payed attention in my government class. I legitimately thought the president couldn't do anything. Don't get me wrong, when Donald Trump was elected in 2016, I knew we were in a lot of trouble. I was upset.
Being apolitical is the biggest turn off ever to me now. Everything is wrapped up in politics and caring about people's basic human rights is the BARE MINIMUM. Elections are a matter of life and death for a lot of people. It is so important to vote. Listen, it really sucks that we are in a place where we have to vote for the lesser of the two evils. 99.9% of the time, our options are trash. It does not matter, VOTE.
I see so many people try and talk morals when discussing politics; acting like they are too morally superior to pick between the two shitty options. Not caring about politics comes from an extreme place of privilege. Now that I am older, I recognize this importance and do my best to stay up to date on everything.
22. Masking yourself is exhausting
You can take this lesson/advice how you please. Living authentically is always going to be better than not, no matter who you are and what your neurotype is.
When I am talking about masking, I am specifically talking about autistic masking. As someone that found out I was autistic much later in life, I spent a majority of my life masking. Masking is something artistic people do to suppress and hide our characteristics that are not accepted by society.
For those that don't understand how exhausting it is to live like this, it is a huge reason why suicide rates are so high in autistic people. It is why I went through a really bad period of burnout. Masking is a trauma response, a survival technique to make us more palpable to other people. While I guess I am thankful for my ability to mask as it can make it "easier" to maneuver some situations as an autistic person, it is still exhausting.
It really sucks to feel like you cannot be authentically you in front of everyone. Unmasking has been a journey. It is not an easy process at all. It is not just as easy as flipping a switch and deciding not to mask.
If you are not autistic, hiding who you truly are is not worth it either. The people who are meant to love you will accept you completely.
23. Play with your inner child
I am another year older today and while aging is such a beautiful privilege, I spend a lot of my time trying return to my childlike nature. It was the last time that I was fully carefree, creative, and unaltered by societal pressures. Children are the purest energy out there.
We all can learn something from children. It is possible that you don't want your own children or you hate them completely, which I think the people who hate children only hate them because of their own childhood trauma but I digress!!
Do something everyday that makes the inner child in you happy. I love engaging with little Jordan. I truly believe she is the only person I need to please in my life. She is my motivation. I do things that bring her out and I acknowledge her dreams and incorporate them into my adult life.
24. Be present
At the core of everything I am writing about is the importance of living in the present moment. This is not at all easy for me. I am an anxious person that worries about the future and dissects the past, but doing things that ground me in the present moment is what I am working on.
The only moment that will ever exist is the present moment. Now the present moment is not always the best. You might be going through a rough time and it is easier to dissociate in the moment. I know what that is like too. I try my best to feel my feelings and allow myself to move through them mindfully.
When you live in the past or the future, you are doing yourself a disservice. There is no better moment than the present to take steps towards living a life you enjoy.
25. Live a life that charges your soul
Well, it is only right that this is my last lesson. To be fair, this one encapsulates every lesson l have talked about in this blog post. It is safe to say that this is my main lesson that I have accepted into my own life.
Soul charging is how I choose to live my life on the daily. The concept was introduced to me a few years ago via a random Pinterest board post and ever since then, it has governed my life. Not only do I feel like "soul searching" promotes a lack mindset, I love how general soul charging can be. It can mean anything for anyone, and that can even change often too.
Soul searching, at least when I think of the concept, really means one thing. Typically someone says they are "soul searching" when they book a one way ticket to another continent. They might spend a couple months backpacking, having once in a lifetime opportunities, forgetting their "real" life, but when they come they likely will feel more lost than before they left. It feels so extreme.
I feel a little hypocritical since I did do that. I quit my job, have been backpacking for the better part of this year, but my intention has always been clear. I never felt like I was going to find myself hiking in Peru or drinking Aperol Spritzes in Italy. I am who I am, no matter what continent I am on. I travel because it charges my soul. It is what currently is lighting me up.
I just never understood soul searching. What are they looking for? Will they recognize their soul when they find it? What changes for them when they do?
Soul charging is all about doing what lights you up in the present moment. It means romanticizing your life, being present, trying new things and experimenting with what makes you feel alive. For me, that is travel right now. In 10 years, it could be putting love into the business that I have started. On a daily basis, it is finding pleasure in the mundane. What routines work best for me? What habits make me feel the best version of myself? What charges my soul today could be different than what charges my soul tomorrow.
Your wording impacts more than you would think. The difference between soul searching and soul charging is huge, in my opinion. I hope moving forward you seek experiences that charge your soul instead of spending time looking for something that was never lost to begin with.
Thank you so much for reading my thoughts and being here with me on my birthday. If you are reading this on any other day than October 7th, don't worry I forgive you! I accept belated birthday wishes too.
I hope you enjoyed this blog post and it allowed you think about these topics and how they apply to your own life. We all deserve to live great ones. Take what resonates and leave what doesn't!
Cheers to another year of my life, but this time, with a fully developed noggin ;)
with love,
Jordan Leo